Crab Walk: A Descent Into Phantasmagoria (Part 1)

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The events of that night woke me to the world a new person. New, though, suggests an improvement upon the old and that’s certainly not the case. That night I became less than I was before, when I had the hope of her.

I realized upon waking, that if I were to die this moment, all of my eternity would be occupied solely in finding her again – or pieces of her – in the remaining world. I’d haunt her. I’d follow her wife and their children until they too died, and then I would haunt their empty home as if to glean what happiness they had together, of which I know I’ll never be a part.

I stew in the inevitability of decline from this day forward. She is done with me, but each time I see her I am reminded of life she brought into me, of the soft kisses, the broken embraces, the apologies spoken but unintended. I am encumbered with the weight of her indifference. It pins me down and it feels as if the face of reality has slipped away and revealed the mask beneath. The dream has ended and the nightmare has begun…

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